Losing control

Everything's not right, i feel it in my bones. Something's terribly wrong right now, and i can't figure out what it is. I feel like i'm loosing control, 'cos here i can't decide myself what i'm going to do and when, i can't even control what i'm saying cos i don't speak spanish or english that well, and i can't anymore control my weight that easily, cos they already think that i have problems, and i don't wanna be pain in the ass all the time, and stop eating and just sleep.

Sometimes i find myself from somewhere doing stuff i shouldn't do. Things that will get me into troubles, but i just can't stop myself, even tough i know... I miss people who took the burden of my shoulders and i didn't have to make those same mistakes over and over again. Now i'm alone and i have to learn to make my own mistakes and learn from them, but i know i will get in troubles before i learn.
I guess this experience will help me be a better person, and maybe in the future i'll be responsible, but now i feel like i'm loosing the control.

Oikeastaan en ajattele olevani täällä, enkä missään muuallakaan. Santiagossa minun levottomat jalkani saivat levätä hetken, mutta täällä olen onnellinen vain liikkeellä. Lähden kaikkialle minne muut lähtevät, ja niin kauan kuin jatkan kulkemista, olen onnellinen, mutta paikallaanoleminen aiheuttaa minulle hankaluuksia.
Haluaisin kuulla jonku kiroilevan saksaksi auton ratissa ja olla onnellinen ja paikallaan.