It's amazing how only words can hurt. Even tough you know they are not true, even tough you know that it had to happen, and it just happened to happen now.
How could i have lived there the whole year? How could i have done things better, when i couldn't even be myself there? It's not fare that i have to be the one to take the whole blame, and i do blame me, i was too weak to handle the things, so i left. That's what i do: i run away from things. That's why i'm here, in Chile. I ran away, took some time off, until i realized that i'm still myself, and i will always be in good and in bad. I can't change that fact.
And o' how happy i was yesterday when i heard that i'm gonna be out from there, i finally let myslef eat, end i tought that i deserved it. Well i didn't. It all came up, like i excepted. When i'm stressed i shouldn't eat at all, i just can't keep it in.
And then i just was hurt so bad. I felt it in my whole body, words that were ment just to hurt me as much as possible, the only power that she had left. But i didn't say a word. I didin't speak my mind, i just let it happen and took those hits, i once was the adult in the situation. Wish her well, no bad feelings.
Now the only way is up. I think i'll start doing yoga or something like that to unload my frustration and to be a better person. This was totally my fault, and when i feel like that, i'm just gonna sing Mika, and feel all better again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpcgcbZDeyE
Now living at the country-side, keep my fingers crossed that i won't be send back to Finland.
Tilaa:
Lähetä kommentteja (Atom)
Ei kommentteja:
Lähetä kommentti