Common reaction

it's impossible to run away from yourself. I realized that one day. I've travelled to the other side of the world, and still i'm the same person with all my fears, doubts, problems and flaws. It's harder than run away from god, even tough believers say that you can't run away from him, at least you can deny his existence, but it's little bit harder to deny your own existence when you have to live with yourself everyday. It makes your existence kinda undeniable (at least if you agree with Descartes: "i think therefore i am").

It scares the hell out of me when i realize that i can't run away from something that is built inside of me. It makes even worse when i stress (i'm really bad at stressing, i normally never stress, and now i can't handle it at all!) it triggers the old bad habits in me, and i thought that i got rid of them already.

Maybe people really never change.

Deep inside we still have all those same things we had before, and i (like the director of Monster) don't even believe that things that don't kill makes only stronger. They damage people, until they brake. No-one can take too many hits.

And the little things, they are the worse. In the end of the day, the only thing that is left is the little things. All the little words, things that other people don't even realize.

After a bad day, i might totally lose it when there's no clean cups and i'd have to wash a cup to have coffee (happened once here), or when there's no warm water anymore, or when someone says something totally meaningless to them, but what means the world to me, and i get offended. There are all little things, but when there's only bunch of little things they create the bigger picture, and i just can't handle it. And when the environment where the little things happen is not welcoming, place where i just want to disappear and stop being the burden. Quizás si pesaría menos no estuviera tan grande carga.